Shizuru, Chili Dogs, Grammar and Awesomness
by Miggitdog
Summary: I'm a bit hyperactive, though this is not pure crackfic, this is a combination of stupidhumor, ranting and a few references to things that are super awesome. It's random, I don't know what anyone will think, and frankly at 1 AM, I don't particularly care.


This is only partial crack. A good deal of it is ranting about annoying and stupid things. Then I've included references to several things that are super awesome, that I recommend checking out.

Disclaimer: It's late and I don't give a shit anymore.

* * *

Shizuru barely made it to the toilet in time. She loved chili dogs, but every time she ate them, she ended up in the bathroom half the night. Still, it was worth it to her to eat them, though Natsuki could never use _that_ bathroom for several days afterward.

Sitting on the toilet, resigned to a long night, she groaned, realizing she had left her ipod on the nightstand, and would have nothing to do while she waited.

She glanced around the bathroom, and picked up a small spray bottle, it was the lens cleaner that she used on her reading glasses. She read the bottle to herself out of pure boredom.

**Lens Cleaner. Directions: Spray front and back of lenses, wipe clean. Use daily for best results. Not for contact lenses. Do not apply to eyes.**

**Now that got her thinking.**

Seriously? She could see how a person might think the fluid could be used to clean contacts; after all it was just Lens Cleaner. Someone might think it was contact lenses not glasses. But seriously?! Do not apply to eyes?!?! Could people really be that stupid? 'Oh, I'll just spray my eyes with this cleaning fluid; that ought to get that dust particle out!'

She rolled her eyes; it was like putting the warning that the contents of a coffee cup might be hot. If the company didn't put the warning on there, some idiot would be stupid enough to do something stupid and sue them for not warning them it would be stupid. Common sense must not be quite as common as it sounded with that kind of idiocy going around.

Shizuru jumped slightly as her phone vibrated in her pocket near her foot. She flipped it open and read the text from Mai.

**OMG! U need 2 cum 2 da party! Is uber fun! G2G, by!**

She closed the phone with a snap. That was another thing, spelling. Texting seemed to have completely destroyed everyone's sense of proper spelling. Come on people! Though she did have to laugh at the spelling of 'come' in the text, but that's what happens when you have a dirty mind after all. With a sigh, she decided to call Mai back rather than subject herself to more horrible chat-speak.

Mai answered, "Hey Shizuru! Where you at?"

"Stuck at home, long story, rather not talk about it."

"Oh, well, this party is awesome, I mean, Mikoto accidentally spilled a drink on me, I should prolly change, but I could care less really."

"You mean you couldn't care less?"

"What?! It's really loud in here, I can't…oh sorry Nao, my bad….sorry about that, I bumped into her, now I've got two drinks on me, I oughta get a whole nother shirt now, I guess."

"How much have you had to drink Mai?"

"Oh, none, I'm the designated driver tonight, why?"

"Oh, just curious. Well, I've got to go, have fun!"

"Bye!"

As she closed the phone, Shizuru shook her head, exasperated. Mai had completely skewed so many words and phrases. 'Prolly', 'a whole nother', 'my bad'. Shizuru couldn't quite believe how bad people's grammar had become.

Her train of though ended as another terrible bout of…well, anyway, she couldn't concentrate on grammar for several minutes. When she recovered, she really wanted something to distract her, so she shouted to Natsuki to please bring her ipod to her.

After a moment, the door opened a crack, Natsuki's hand slipped in, deposited the MP3 player on the counter then disappeared as the door shut with a quick snap, Natsuki could be heard gagging on the other side of the door.

"Sorry Natsuki! Thank you!"

"You're never eating chili dogs again Shizuru!"

"Then neither are you!"

"Damn it!"

Shizuru smiled as Natsuki stormed off. She liked chili dogs just as much as Shizuru, though she didn't get the nasty side effects. Actually Shizuru's nasty side effects had been reduced ever since she had helped Takeda with his stupid Stench Re:Fresh commercial, all the free Tea Stench Re:Fresh really helped her during the weeks following one of her chili dog nights.

She sighed, grabbing her ipod. She chose her Avenue Q Soundtrack, and smiled. She really loved that musical, she even sang along to most of the songs, her favorites including; "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist", "The Internet is for Porn", and "Schadenfreude".

It was far into the night when she finally though she was safe, and stood to get to bed, though a moment later she was back down, still trapped on her porcelain throne. She decided to watch her Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series podcasts, episode 32 had just come out. That LittleKuriboh was a fucking genius.

Finally her ipod died, and she still couldn't leave. Eventually she could see the sky getting lighter outside the window and she drifted toward sleep, thinking over all the things that annoyed her, and all the things that made her smile. She decided that without the annoying things, the wonderful, funny things wouldn't be as good, just like chili dogs were wonderful enough to deal with terrible diarrhea all night long.


End file.
